Rules are good. I like them. They help things go my way, most of the time. No shoes or food in the family room. I have no crumbs or stains. Vacum after a snack. Again, no crumbs. ( What? I like things neat.) Use your manners. I have a pretty polite kid- ask his PICU nurses, he said no thank you or thank you pretty often. Wipe pee off the seat if you drip ( This rule was created for Rob;-). I have a clean toilet every time. Clean up after you use/play with something. Works great, no mess in this house. Ask to be excused from the table. No one gets up and wanders like a nomad during dinner. We eat together, listen to music and have stimulating dinner conversations about "toots" being Butt Gas. Don't get out of bed at night. Hayden stays in his bed and will not get out unless he yells for one of us. Most of the time this is great. No wandering. No mid- slumber visitors. No falling down the steps. BUT, last night it backfired. In your face rules. ( insert sinister laugh here).
Hayden woke up at 4:15 am ( AM!!!!!!) and needed to use the bathroom. No problem. Go to the bathrom and go back to bed. The back to bed part didn't happen. The boy had a case of wicked insomnia. I laid with him. Still awake. We went to my room. Still awake. He snuggled with Rob. Still awake. At 6:30, we all gave up and announced that we were awake. As if we needed to proclaim it was morning.
I have now been up for almost 7.5 hours and it isn't even lunch time. In fact, I am typing this with my eyes closed. They are ready for a nap. My brain left the building hours ago. I think I just consented to buying Hayden a case of beer. He has never even tasted soda. Beer would be wrong. I think. It might make him sleep;-)Ahhh, sleep. ZZZZZZ's. Slumber. Nighty Nights. Nappy. Resting my eyes. Dozing o..
Friday, July 17, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sights and Sounds of the Pool
The pool is a fascinating place. I see and hear all sorts of things. It is like a sociological experiment. The sights are far more fabulous ( or disturbing, depending on your opinion) than the sounds. Some of the favorite regulars never fail to entertain..
There is Old Bannana- Hammock Swimmer Guy. He comes to the pool for a good work out. A traditional lap swimmer, if you will. But, he wears a Bannana Hammock and a Polo shirt. And looks like he is just wearing a shirt. Did I mention that he also wears running shoes with this ensemble? Thus, he looks like a dirty old flasher as opposed to an excercise enthusiast.
We also have Hairy-Bear Woman. She apparently doesn't know that there are grooming options out there for the overly hairy woman. Waxing? Nair? A razor? All good solid options to remove what she has going on. I'll just say that it starts inside her bathing suit and creeps ALL the way down the back of her legs,causing her to resemble a bear. ( Yes, the hair is brown and well... coming from her nether region.)
Next in our line up, Loud Ill-Mannered Boy. He spends his day referring to his hearing impaired mom as Four Eyes. She doesn't even wear glasses. Ok, she does. But, who talks like that to their mom?
Funky Narcotic Chick has not appeared this summer ( hope she is not dead), but left such an impression last summer that I must include her. You may have guessed, this pill-popping gal pops pills at the pool. She simply shakes them into her mouth, oh 20 or 30 at a time, straight out of the mystery bottle,and takes a sip of water, swishes and swallows. Then the show begins. She can't sit still for more than five seconds and pops up and down on her chair, rolls over, rolls back, plays with hair, twitches, picks her suit out from between her cheeks. Endless entertainment. Come back Funky Narcotic Chick.
There is also a group that I will refer to as the Young, Hormonal, Ready to Mate Crew or YHRMC. The YHRMC just can't help themselves. It isn't their fault. The inate desire to mate is natural, right? They are constantly flirting, flaunting and giggling. The flirting and gigglimg are tolerable. The flaunting is ridiculous. Here are a few tips YHRMC; no one wants to see the rug burn on your hip bones from last night's escapades, your bikini top should cover your breasts and why by the cow if you are giving away the milk for free?
There is also a woman known as Moonpie. I don't want to be too graphic, but she is older, a bit flabby and wears ill-fitting suits. Her top happens to be a bit see through. Underneath is the problem. She has giant " mooonpies" ( no, this is not the correct name for this body part)that stare at you. They ae huge. Unlike anthing I have seen before. And dark. Not a good sight. Ms. Moonpie, you need a new suit .
Then there is Little Boy Who Shakes is Booty. ( aka Hayden) This child listens to the music on his lovely mother's ( that's me) phone and dances. He prefers the Bee Gee's and enjoys jirating and strutting his stuff. He performs my the lounge chairs, both singing and dancing. He must be doing something right, he did pick up a girl yesterday. But is not ready to become a member of the YHRMC:-)
Happy Summer!
There is Old Bannana- Hammock Swimmer Guy. He comes to the pool for a good work out. A traditional lap swimmer, if you will. But, he wears a Bannana Hammock and a Polo shirt. And looks like he is just wearing a shirt. Did I mention that he also wears running shoes with this ensemble? Thus, he looks like a dirty old flasher as opposed to an excercise enthusiast.
We also have Hairy-Bear Woman. She apparently doesn't know that there are grooming options out there for the overly hairy woman. Waxing? Nair? A razor? All good solid options to remove what she has going on. I'll just say that it starts inside her bathing suit and creeps ALL the way down the back of her legs,causing her to resemble a bear. ( Yes, the hair is brown and well... coming from her nether region.)
Next in our line up, Loud Ill-Mannered Boy. He spends his day referring to his hearing impaired mom as Four Eyes. She doesn't even wear glasses. Ok, she does. But, who talks like that to their mom?
Funky Narcotic Chick has not appeared this summer ( hope she is not dead), but left such an impression last summer that I must include her. You may have guessed, this pill-popping gal pops pills at the pool. She simply shakes them into her mouth, oh 20 or 30 at a time, straight out of the mystery bottle,and takes a sip of water, swishes and swallows. Then the show begins. She can't sit still for more than five seconds and pops up and down on her chair, rolls over, rolls back, plays with hair, twitches, picks her suit out from between her cheeks. Endless entertainment. Come back Funky Narcotic Chick.
There is also a group that I will refer to as the Young, Hormonal, Ready to Mate Crew or YHRMC. The YHRMC just can't help themselves. It isn't their fault. The inate desire to mate is natural, right? They are constantly flirting, flaunting and giggling. The flirting and gigglimg are tolerable. The flaunting is ridiculous. Here are a few tips YHRMC; no one wants to see the rug burn on your hip bones from last night's escapades, your bikini top should cover your breasts and why by the cow if you are giving away the milk for free?
There is also a woman known as Moonpie. I don't want to be too graphic, but she is older, a bit flabby and wears ill-fitting suits. Her top happens to be a bit see through. Underneath is the problem. She has giant " mooonpies" ( no, this is not the correct name for this body part)that stare at you. They ae huge. Unlike anthing I have seen before. And dark. Not a good sight. Ms. Moonpie, you need a new suit .
Then there is Little Boy Who Shakes is Booty. ( aka Hayden) This child listens to the music on his lovely mother's ( that's me) phone and dances. He prefers the Bee Gee's and enjoys jirating and strutting his stuff. He performs my the lounge chairs, both singing and dancing. He must be doing something right, he did pick up a girl yesterday. But is not ready to become a member of the YHRMC:-)
Happy Summer!
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