It's the time of year when we transition . There are graduations, weddings , move ups and just the shift into summer. Emotions run high. Life moves quickly . Things are busy. So busy.

I'm usually not such a big fan of celebrating the transition from grade to grade. It is an expectation that you complete preschool , not an accomplishment . 

 Hayden is completing 5th grade and will be leaving elementary school. He will also turn twelve on the 22nd.

As these milestones approach , I am finding that I'm really excited , amazed and grateful . Mostly , I'm in awe. He's still here . That's really what it comes down to for me . He's defied odds that were stacked against him. He's here to reach this milestone .

As my friends are feeling emotional that their kids are old enough to head to middle school, I am feeling thrilled.  They want to hold onto each moment and keep them as little people . I want Hayden to grow and soar , even if that means we are closer to him growing up.( oh, to see him grow up!)The fact that Hayd is here and able to move on to middle school is the way this milestone plays out in my head . I realize this seems off, odd, maybe morbid? But it's how it goes for me. I've seen him struggle for each breath, I know the reality .

When he was a baby I was asked to respond to things I wanted to see.  I could have listed exotic locales ,but I didn't .I listed them out as Hayden milestones . Hayden turn two, Hayden go to kindergarten , Hayden finish elementary school, etc. As we reach each of these , I feel so grateful and blessed for the gift that each of these milestones is.

It's hard to believe that he will turn 12 in the next week or so. But I'm so thankful we get to see it. While I love his snuggles and dislike his sass, I wouldn't rewind for anything . Each new phase, each year, month, week, day is him living.  So, I don't want time to stand still , I want it to move forward and take us all with it .

As we head into two weeks of recitals, move up, his birthday and the golf tournament , I am feeling unbelievably appreciative that I get to see Hayd reach these milestones . I know I'll be emotional over the next two weeks . Feel free to shed a tear of joy with me or raise your glass and toast to living each day, fully , completely and unabashedly. That's what Hayden does

Seven.

Each March 30th brings a great sense of joy as well as a reminder to never be complacent . March 30th is Hayden's heartaversary. This year marks seven years since his Fontan( most recent open heart surgery ). It's always a special day for us . We get to reflect on how awful, dreadful, miserable and scary that day was , but also to think about how very lucky we are today. Celebrating a  heartaversary is controversial in the heart community . But I don't shy away from controversy nor my belief that another year removed from surgery is absolutely worth celebrating . I can't help but celebrate all the amazing things Hayden has done since March 30,2009. Particularly since he wasn't expected to last past that night . The rest of this is all nothing short of amazing .
I've written, re-written and played with this post over and over again . Really, what I want to say is that seven years is just fucking awesome! It's crazy, fucking awesome. And deserves every curse that comes out of my terrible potty mouth.
These seven years have brought us peace, routine and a great appreciation for time ( at this time last year I wrote about time being nebulous and I do still feel that way ). We appreciate the time we share with each other, friends , family, traveling , laughing , singing, farting, chuckling , playing , dancing , learning and just experiencing every aspect of life .  We are grateful for the many opportunities to serve others. Yet we are also acutely aware of how precious time is. How fickle it can be. And that it's simply not promised . With each passing year, we feel grateful and anxious at the same time . It makes us wonder what time has in store for Hayden. For us.(yet we really don't want to know ).
I can quickly time travel back to that day seven years ago . I know what I was wearing , where I was sitting ( in a ball), what I ate( nothing -I puked multiple times) , the people who annoyed me in the waiting room( rowdy, snack eating , partying in the waiting room types who didn't realize my baby was dying !), the sinking in my gut that this wasn't going well. It's all right there and I can call it up when I choose to. Mostly I choose not to. But in order to not become complacent and to appreciate the  utter significance of this day, I'll conjure up those memories in order to fully celebrate the unbelievable joy  of making it seven years !
Hug your loved ones seven times tonight . Kiss your dog seven times . Fuss at your kids seven times. Hang out in plank for seven minutes. Eat seven Girl Scout cookies . Whatever you feel like doing to celebrate this day with us !
SEVEN  ( fucking)YEARS!!!!!!