Spring Has Sprung

With Spring springing, so are the opportunities to flaunt your pale,flabby or " sexy" bod. Yes, oh, yes, things are popping up ( or out) everywhere.
As you know, I enjoy the people watching more than the average Joe, but Spring takes it to a whole new level. A new birth of the innappropriate. I have been blessed to be out and about socially and to be employed at a high school. This combination makes for some fantastic sightings. While some dance on the edge of innappropriate, others seem to think they are dancers. I spotted the rare, overweight, vertically challenged young woman wearing a shorts legnth, black, strapless unitard with a large black belt that hit just below her...gut, Yes, gut. Apparently you to have to " gutsy" to donn the shorts unitard. To her credit, she did have on a hot pink shrug to cover her shoulders.It is all about modesty.
Another favorite sighting involves the male swimsuit. While sitting poolside during Hayden's most recent lesson, I spotted a young man from the swim tean sporting his tiny black Speedo. No problem. Speedos and swim team go together. Except, apparently this fella has grown a bit since last purchasing a Speedo. The deep indentations around his groin and rear make me think that his swimming might be hindered by the Speedo cutting off circulation to lower region. I am not a man ( Stop.Shocking revelation. Rob, did you know?), but I am thinking that you want circulation down there. Size up, dear friend, size up.
The most frequent Spring sighting involves the " girls". " Oh, it is warm out. I MUST show off my breasts. I need not wear a bra. Huzzah!" Yes, tis the season for letting the girls roam free, airing em' out after a long winter of being covered in layers of camis and sweaters. Who can resist a crisp white tee with a " hint" of what is hiding underneath? Umm, me. That goes for the extra extra low cut shirt as well, espicially if your "girls" are extra extra large. ( No, I am, NOT jealous. I like the little "girls" and was recently complimented on how well my bras fit/lift. The compliment did come from a crazy old loon who might possible drink mid-day...hmm. I have digressed.) Unless you are on a field trip to a bad strip club, no one wants to see your big ole stretch mark floppy flapjacks. Cover it up. And please do not lean forward. Ever.
My absolute favorite sighting of the season is the too tiny mini ( dress or skirt). I am a short girl.I get the short skirt thing. But, if you cannot bend over, say three inches, without your cheeks or goods hanging out, don't wear it. I mean, you can't plan on standing straight up all day and you will need to sit down ( oh, the horror). And, forget it if you drop your keys. Ay carumba...your cheeks are peeking out while the "girls" fall out of your top. Which end to you try to cover first? It is a disaster.
Oh, the joys of Spring. Can't wait for summer. Oh, pool and beachside people watching...
Off to buy me a unitard... with a shrug, of course. All class here.