Do you have a tree? Do you decorate? Do you get double the gifts? Why didn't you take off for Hannukah? I have had more questions this year than any other about how my family handles "the season".  I get it. This whole Jewish/Non-Jewish marriage thing is confusing. To others.
 We handle this time of year  in a way that works for us, but in order to understand that, you need some background .
Twenty-four years ago , I met a boy. We liked each other. Time passed and we began dating. Being a good Jewish girl, I asked, " what ( religion) are you? " The response I got was,"I don't know. Let me drive passed the church we sometimes go to on Christmas Eve." At that very moment, I knew I could be with him.  He wasn't religious. He identified with no religion.
Fast forward to six years later .1997. We were planning our interfaith wedding ceremony( we had a unity candle and all the Jewish "stuff" was explained) and meeting with our cantor on a regular basis. We discussed how we'd raise the one child I'd agreed to in the marital bargain . The answer was obvious, but we bantered, jokingly, about it. I said, " there is no choice, you know nothing about your religion ." Rob said, " I know things. I know about the activity scene!" I couldn't breathe. Tears streaming down my face as I corrected him by saying, " you mean nativity scene?" Again, confirmation that this would work.
Rob hates being talked about, but I'll say he is a spiritual person with beliefs that are not tied to a religion. We agreed that our bargained for child and I would be Jewish. Not mixed, not interfaith . Jewish .Our household would be Jewish...all but one thing.
This brings us to the topic at hand. The tree. Lights. Decorating .
Yep. We do them all. It is the one thing my love wanted . Decorating and celebrating Christmas is very secular in my house ( no offense to my devout Christian friends ). For Rob ,it is about tradition, family, friends and giving.  We have no "activity scene", no religious symbols.
We celebrate Hanukkah as a family. We also celebrate Hanukkah with my family . We light candles, eat  latkes, play dreidel and Hayden receives gifts each night, some are quite small and some are large. Traditionally, Rob and I do not exchange Hanukkah  gifts.  It is not a religious holiday. It is a festival . Yes, I go to work. There'd be no reason not to. It simply isn't as big of a deal as Christmas. It just falls in the same season.
We celebrate Christmas with Rob's family and several sets of "friends who are family". We exchange gifts with them. We eat. We laugh and enjoy one another. On Christmas Day , we open gifts to each other. Rob and I do exchange . Hayden gets gifts, too, but way less than us because he gets Hanukkah . His "gift count", so to speak is divided.We have goofy traditions and write funny gift cards.
No one gets double the gifts.  Trust me.
Hayden and I love celebrating Christmas with our loved ones. And I can't lie, those first few years were really awkward and totally fun at the same time. I certainly didn't grow up with a tree, lights, etc. I had no idea what I was doing. Gelt and Chinese food, I understood.
Today, most of the awkwardness has gone away ,but  I will say that I'm great at wishing others a Merry Christmas,but  when it is said to me,mix sorta look over my shoulder  and think ,"who? Me?" It will likely never feel natural to me.
Hayden is Jewish . He sees himself no other way. But he loves and respects the traditions Rob brings to our family .
Hayd and I are so blessed that Rob supports and encourages us in our faith. Falling into this world of oy veys and new religious beliefs could not have been easy for him. Nonetheless,he supports us. He always has.
Celebrating Christmas is our support of him.
If Rob were Jewish  by birth or had converted( something that will never happen. Converting for a spouse is something I am very against ,but a topic for another time), none of this would happen. We'd be a Jewish family. There'd be absolutely no reason to have trees, lights, stockings . The Hanukkah bush and Hanukkah Harry are nonsense for those who feel the need to succumb to the secular celebration of Christmas. ( again a topic for another time)I feel like that is a mixed message to send kids and the world, it is not something we would do. But Rob is a non-Jew, so we celebrate. Happily. Joyfully . And with a lot of food!
However you celebrate this season, may it be full of love, laughs and giving.