Maternal Wisdom for All Ages

I know some things about some things and thought I'd take today to bestow my maternal wisdom upon you.
1. When wearing a white shirt and ordering an ice cream cone, know that said cone will leak upon your white shirt.
2. If you try something new at your favorie restaurant, you will regret it and wish you ordered your " old favorite".
3. Use your manners; no one resprects the rude.
4. When packing for a weekend trip, double check to make sure you have underwear. (and you should probably pack at least 4 pairs of shoes, just in case)
5. If a fire erupts on your deck, say from your gas grill, there is no shame in immediately calling 911 and also yelling that the chicken is ruined.
6. It is OK to pass the sunscreen over to those who aren't slathering themsleves. Those of the older generations, you know, the ones who Aqua Netted the giant hole in the ozone, may need a gentle reminder to put down the baby oil ( or Crisco) and use some SPF.
7. That old saying about liquor before beer; meaningless. Enough of both or either and you'll be sad. So sad.
8.Some people are huge disappointments (they will probably be related to you). Forget about them and cherish those who are good to you; they matter most.
9. If you put on a few pounds, don't proclaim that you will take them off before buying any new clothing. No one wants you to look like a sausage in your clothes,it s just gross. Buy a few key pieces and either take off the weight or embrace the new, softer, you.
10.If someone in your life adds artificial sweetener to their wine feel free to admonish them. ( do the same if they refridgerate the Cabernet)
11.If so inclined, strike up a conversation with strangers. It may embarass those with you, but they'll get used to it.
12.When frustrated, don't give up without throwing something down or growlig in frustration.
13. When your nail polish brand "goes green" and all of the colors fade when exposed to any bit of sun; write a letter of complaint. How dare they put the environment before your beauty! AND who wants to pay for a pedicure that fades after a day poolside?
14. Always ask for a discount or lower rate. You'll probably get it. Most people dont ask.
15. Haggle with your insurance company over EVERYTHING. It might take work, but they count on you lettimg mistakes slide. Most people are too lazy to fight "the man".
16. Always be yourself. Someone is bound to like you, I think.
17. Be good to your Mom. She might be a loon, but no one loves you the way she does.