Five IS a magic number!

Five years. Sixty months. Two hundred and sixty weeks. One thousand eight hundred and twenty-five days. Two million six hundred twenty-nine thousand seven hundred and forty minutes.

That is how long it has been since March 30, 2009.

So?  So! This was the date of Hayden's Fontan ( most recent surgery). Today, it has been five years. FIVE YEARS! In some ways, it seems so long ago and in others, it seems like yesterday.

Hayden's physical wounds have healed and faded scars remain. There are many and each tells  a story all its own. The telltale " heart patient" scar adorns  his chest, but others, from drains, emergency pigtails, the ventilator sitting oddly on right side of his mouth, the scar on his neck where he was canulated for ECMO, all mark their territory on the rest of his body. I know their stories, but sometimes forget.  They like to remind me at odd times. Like in the midst of Hayden  belly laughing, I'm drawn to the scar on his mouth ( I know that no one ever notices this but me). The scar says, " Hey, you.  Enjoy this laughter. Laugh with him. But, cherish this moment. He almost didn't have it." I see it as their job to keep me from forgetting. They do it well.

In theory, forgetting would be beautiful. My sleep would never be haunted, my days would never contain the weird sinking feeling that occasionally sneaks up on me out of nowhere and stops me in my tracks. Yep, being delusional would have its perks, I'm sure. But, I can't and don't want to forget. Forgetting would  mean that I didn't have the appreciation I have for every minute with my boy. That appreciation has given me so much . It allows me to well up when I watch him laugh, enjoy every snow day at home with nothing to do, care less if my plans get canceled, and live , fully, every single day.

My fear of losing Hayden is very real. It almost happened. A lot of times. It was horrible and awful and blech. I know it could happen at any time. Because of  amazing medical professionals and a boy with a fighting spirit, he is  still here today. But, today is today and each day brings new promise, but also new fear.  Tomorrows aren't promised to us and I know that. BUT,  we have had five, amazing years of tomorrows!

So, today is a day to celebrate. And, I love a good excuse to celebrate:-) My boy has defied  odds, fought hard and made the last five years amazing. He is, hands down, the  best gift I have ever received as well as the best lesson I have ever learned. As I tell him, he's the best thing I've ever done. I am in awe of him and envy so many of his character traits.

So, in honor of five years, I ask that you do something in fives. High five someone, eat five M&M's, shoot five baskets, have five glasses of wine ( bad idea?), tell five people you love them, or just hug someone and extra five seconds( or minutes!)

I plan to reflect, appreciate and celebrate with my boys . ( And, probably, read old blog posts and cry.)

 

FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( yelling it, laughing and crying at the same time)