Age Milestones for All

Hayden turned 5 on Monday; a huge day for him (and us). There are big milestones that come along with turning five. You can chew gum.( My rule) You intend to learn to swim and force yourself to eat icecream ( Hayden's rules for himself). These are big things.
While sitting poolside with my dear friend, Babs, on Hayden's big day, we decided that there weren't enough age milestones. Wouldn't it be fabulous if as we got older, we reached milestones that let us do something new and exciting?
Just think, you turn 31 and get to tell off your annoying neighbors. Why do they think they can " borrow" beer from you anyway?
34. You can get a piercing in a secret place. You pick.
37. You can stop wearing a bra. They are flapjacks anyway, let them flap in the breeze.
39. You can take up drinking, on a nightly basis. A pickled liver is well preserved.
42. No more shaving. Sure, the spouse may find it prickly or bothersome, but it is a rite of passage.
44. You get to start dressing in all one color. " There goes the Purple lady". You'll be known.
47.It becomes appropriate to tell strangers they are dressed inappropriately." Great dress. You could use it two sizes bigger." "Hello, cleavage. You aren't quite 37, put on a bra." " Would you where that to visit your grandmother? Then don't where it to school!"
49. You can fess up to that " incident" from college; judgement -free.
52. This year, you get to start wearing your jammies to work on Friday's. For me, this is retirement year, they won't fire me over it, right?
56. It is a good time to do what you've been putting off. Go ahead, take up break dancing, sport your leg warmers, shake your thang.
59. Force your family to start calling yor by a title. Pick something royal. " Hello, Queen Ali"
60 1/2. Stop dying your hair. See what it really looks like. It is likey no one will notice. ( Right, Mom?:-)
66. Get a pogo stick. You are still young. Use it as a mode of transportation.
71. Tell your daughter in law what you really think of how she decorated her home. Go on...
77. Ride your Rascal around the neighborhood while " walking" your dog and drinking something out of a brown bag. ( OK, Canal Run, I didn't make that one up!)
83. Start speaking really loudly, even if your hearing is in tact. When people respomd by yelling, ask what they are yelling about.
86. Take out your teeth and put them on the dinner table while sipping your coffee.
91. Do whatever you want. You probably won't remembr doing it!