Rules are good. I like them. They help things go my way, most of the time. No shoes or food in the family room. I have no crumbs or stains. Vacum after a snack. Again, no crumbs. ( What? I like things neat.) Use your manners. I have a pretty polite kid- ask his PICU nurses, he said no thank you or thank you pretty often. Wipe pee off the seat if you drip ( This rule was created for Rob;-). I have a clean toilet every time. Clean up after you use/play with something. Works great, no mess in this house. Ask to be excused from the table. No one gets up and wanders like a nomad during dinner. We eat together, listen to music and have stimulating dinner conversations about "toots" being Butt Gas. Don't get out of bed at night. Hayden stays in his bed and will not get out unless he yells for one of us. Most of the time this is great. No wandering. No mid- slumber visitors. No falling down the steps. BUT, last night it backfired. In your face rules. ( insert sinister laugh here).
Hayden woke up at 4:15 am ( AM!!!!!!) and needed to use the bathroom. No problem. Go to the bathrom and go back to bed. The back to bed part didn't happen. The boy had a case of wicked insomnia. I laid with him. Still awake. We went to my room. Still awake. He snuggled with Rob. Still awake. At 6:30, we all gave up and announced that we were awake. As if we needed to proclaim it was morning.
I have now been up for almost 7.5 hours and it isn't even lunch time. In fact, I am typing this with my eyes closed. They are ready for a nap. My brain left the building hours ago. I think I just consented to buying Hayden a case of beer. He has never even tasted soda. Beer would be wrong. I think. It might make him sleep;-)Ahhh, sleep. ZZZZZZ's. Slumber. Nighty Nights. Nappy. Resting my eyes. Dozing o..
Friday, July 17, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sights and Sounds of the Pool
The pool is a fascinating place. I see and hear all sorts of things. It is like a sociological experiment. The sights are far more fabulous ( or disturbing, depending on your opinion) than the sounds. Some of the favorite regulars never fail to entertain..
There is Old Bannana- Hammock Swimmer Guy. He comes to the pool for a good work out. A traditional lap swimmer, if you will. But, he wears a Bannana Hammock and a Polo shirt. And looks like he is just wearing a shirt. Did I mention that he also wears running shoes with this ensemble? Thus, he looks like a dirty old flasher as opposed to an excercise enthusiast.
We also have Hairy-Bear Woman. She apparently doesn't know that there are grooming options out there for the overly hairy woman. Waxing? Nair? A razor? All good solid options to remove what she has going on. I'll just say that it starts inside her bathing suit and creeps ALL the way down the back of her legs,causing her to resemble a bear. ( Yes, the hair is brown and well... coming from her nether region.)
Next in our line up, Loud Ill-Mannered Boy. He spends his day referring to his hearing impaired mom as Four Eyes. She doesn't even wear glasses. Ok, she does. But, who talks like that to their mom?
Funky Narcotic Chick has not appeared this summer ( hope she is not dead), but left such an impression last summer that I must include her. You may have guessed, this pill-popping gal pops pills at the pool. She simply shakes them into her mouth, oh 20 or 30 at a time, straight out of the mystery bottle,and takes a sip of water, swishes and swallows. Then the show begins. She can't sit still for more than five seconds and pops up and down on her chair, rolls over, rolls back, plays with hair, twitches, picks her suit out from between her cheeks. Endless entertainment. Come back Funky Narcotic Chick.
There is also a group that I will refer to as the Young, Hormonal, Ready to Mate Crew or YHRMC. The YHRMC just can't help themselves. It isn't their fault. The inate desire to mate is natural, right? They are constantly flirting, flaunting and giggling. The flirting and gigglimg are tolerable. The flaunting is ridiculous. Here are a few tips YHRMC; no one wants to see the rug burn on your hip bones from last night's escapades, your bikini top should cover your breasts and why by the cow if you are giving away the milk for free?
There is also a woman known as Moonpie. I don't want to be too graphic, but she is older, a bit flabby and wears ill-fitting suits. Her top happens to be a bit see through. Underneath is the problem. She has giant " mooonpies" ( no, this is not the correct name for this body part)that stare at you. They ae huge. Unlike anthing I have seen before. And dark. Not a good sight. Ms. Moonpie, you need a new suit .
Then there is Little Boy Who Shakes is Booty. ( aka Hayden) This child listens to the music on his lovely mother's ( that's me) phone and dances. He prefers the Bee Gee's and enjoys jirating and strutting his stuff. He performs my the lounge chairs, both singing and dancing. He must be doing something right, he did pick up a girl yesterday. But is not ready to become a member of the YHRMC:-)
Happy Summer!
There is Old Bannana- Hammock Swimmer Guy. He comes to the pool for a good work out. A traditional lap swimmer, if you will. But, he wears a Bannana Hammock and a Polo shirt. And looks like he is just wearing a shirt. Did I mention that he also wears running shoes with this ensemble? Thus, he looks like a dirty old flasher as opposed to an excercise enthusiast.
We also have Hairy-Bear Woman. She apparently doesn't know that there are grooming options out there for the overly hairy woman. Waxing? Nair? A razor? All good solid options to remove what she has going on. I'll just say that it starts inside her bathing suit and creeps ALL the way down the back of her legs,causing her to resemble a bear. ( Yes, the hair is brown and well... coming from her nether region.)
Next in our line up, Loud Ill-Mannered Boy. He spends his day referring to his hearing impaired mom as Four Eyes. She doesn't even wear glasses. Ok, she does. But, who talks like that to their mom?
Funky Narcotic Chick has not appeared this summer ( hope she is not dead), but left such an impression last summer that I must include her. You may have guessed, this pill-popping gal pops pills at the pool. She simply shakes them into her mouth, oh 20 or 30 at a time, straight out of the mystery bottle,and takes a sip of water, swishes and swallows. Then the show begins. She can't sit still for more than five seconds and pops up and down on her chair, rolls over, rolls back, plays with hair, twitches, picks her suit out from between her cheeks. Endless entertainment. Come back Funky Narcotic Chick.
There is also a group that I will refer to as the Young, Hormonal, Ready to Mate Crew or YHRMC. The YHRMC just can't help themselves. It isn't their fault. The inate desire to mate is natural, right? They are constantly flirting, flaunting and giggling. The flirting and gigglimg are tolerable. The flaunting is ridiculous. Here are a few tips YHRMC; no one wants to see the rug burn on your hip bones from last night's escapades, your bikini top should cover your breasts and why by the cow if you are giving away the milk for free?
There is also a woman known as Moonpie. I don't want to be too graphic, but she is older, a bit flabby and wears ill-fitting suits. Her top happens to be a bit see through. Underneath is the problem. She has giant " mooonpies" ( no, this is not the correct name for this body part)that stare at you. They ae huge. Unlike anthing I have seen before. And dark. Not a good sight. Ms. Moonpie, you need a new suit .
Then there is Little Boy Who Shakes is Booty. ( aka Hayden) This child listens to the music on his lovely mother's ( that's me) phone and dances. He prefers the Bee Gee's and enjoys jirating and strutting his stuff. He performs my the lounge chairs, both singing and dancing. He must be doing something right, he did pick up a girl yesterday. But is not ready to become a member of the YHRMC:-)
Happy Summer!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
So, Who am I?
My identity was stolen. It is not a good thing. I was going to post some advice to all of you, but Rob thinks I should keep my nose out of everyone's business. I don't usually listen to him, but will...for now.
With my identity stolen, I can't help but wonder who I am. Do I get to pick? If I do, then I have a few requests.
Uniqua from the Backyardigan's. She is awesome. And pink. She always gets a snack when she wants one. She is a world traveler. Girlfriend can dance. Plus, the Boinga Song rocks. My lisence could say Uniqua Rae Lazorchak.
Dr. Drew. I could be him. He gets to analze people and tell them what he really thinks of them. ( I sort of do that now). He gets to hang out with has-been rock stars. You can't top that. I have plenty of advice to give out. Wanna know about protecting yourself from idetity theft? Never mind.
Wonder Woman. I have always liked her. That huge gold belt is quite the fashion accessory. And the thigh high gold boots, they are sexy. I had a Wonder Woman sleeping bag and often dreamt of taking on the bad dudes. I could totally do that.
One of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. They are just plain scary. I could wear a cute little pillbox hat and swoop down and startle people. I would save money; flying as to be cheaper than filling up my SUV. I wouldd get you my pretty ( and your litle dog, too!)
Paula Dean. Now, I don't want her cholesterol or blood pressure, but I'd love to cook like that woman ( sans the butter) and talk with that fine southern draw. Sister gets right in there with her hands and mixes things up. She says what she wants. She drinks cocktails and laughs heartily.
Genie. As in I Dream Of. She supposedly had a master, but didn't obey him at all. Bucked the system. Infact, she did as she pleased, when she pleased. And she had magic powers. They seemed pretty much unlimited. Oh yeah, I could do that.
Or, I could just keep being me, along with the weird guy in Jersey who is also me. Wonder if he wants to take over my houshold duties. That'd be sweet. I mean, dude, if you are gonna be me, you gotta take on some of my responsibilities. Own up to something. I'll still snuggle with Hayden, pop zits on Rob's back ( he doesn't get them often, but I do so love them), water my flowers and veggies and cook. You get the rest. OK? So, put down the game system, quit playing online with pre-teen boys and start being me. Bet ya can't do it.
With my identity stolen, I can't help but wonder who I am. Do I get to pick? If I do, then I have a few requests.
Uniqua from the Backyardigan's. She is awesome. And pink. She always gets a snack when she wants one. She is a world traveler. Girlfriend can dance. Plus, the Boinga Song rocks. My lisence could say Uniqua Rae Lazorchak.
Dr. Drew. I could be him. He gets to analze people and tell them what he really thinks of them. ( I sort of do that now). He gets to hang out with has-been rock stars. You can't top that. I have plenty of advice to give out. Wanna know about protecting yourself from idetity theft? Never mind.
Wonder Woman. I have always liked her. That huge gold belt is quite the fashion accessory. And the thigh high gold boots, they are sexy. I had a Wonder Woman sleeping bag and often dreamt of taking on the bad dudes. I could totally do that.
One of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. They are just plain scary. I could wear a cute little pillbox hat and swoop down and startle people. I would save money; flying as to be cheaper than filling up my SUV. I wouldd get you my pretty ( and your litle dog, too!)
Paula Dean. Now, I don't want her cholesterol or blood pressure, but I'd love to cook like that woman ( sans the butter) and talk with that fine southern draw. Sister gets right in there with her hands and mixes things up. She says what she wants. She drinks cocktails and laughs heartily.
Genie. As in I Dream Of. She supposedly had a master, but didn't obey him at all. Bucked the system. Infact, she did as she pleased, when she pleased. And she had magic powers. They seemed pretty much unlimited. Oh yeah, I could do that.
Or, I could just keep being me, along with the weird guy in Jersey who is also me. Wonder if he wants to take over my houshold duties. That'd be sweet. I mean, dude, if you are gonna be me, you gotta take on some of my responsibilities. Own up to something. I'll still snuggle with Hayden, pop zits on Rob's back ( he doesn't get them often, but I do so love them), water my flowers and veggies and cook. You get the rest. OK? So, put down the game system, quit playing online with pre-teen boys and start being me. Bet ya can't do it.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Age Milestones for All
Hayden turned 5 on Monday; a huge day for him (and us). There are big milestones that come along with turning five. You can chew gum.( My rule) You intend to learn to swim and force yourself to eat icecream ( Hayden's rules for himself). These are big things.
While sitting poolside with my dear friend, Babs, on Hayden's big day, we decided that there weren't enough age milestones. Wouldn't it be fabulous if as we got older, we reached milestones that let us do something new and exciting?
Just think, you turn 31 and get to tell off your annoying neighbors. Why do they think they can " borrow" beer from you anyway?
34. You can get a piercing in a secret place. You pick.
37. You can stop wearing a bra. They are flapjacks anyway, let them flap in the breeze.
39. You can take up drinking, on a nightly basis. A pickled liver is well preserved.
42. No more shaving. Sure, the spouse may find it prickly or bothersome, but it is a rite of passage.
44. You get to start dressing in all one color. " There goes the Purple lady". You'll be known.
47.It becomes appropriate to tell strangers they are dressed inappropriately." Great dress. You could use it two sizes bigger." "Hello, cleavage. You aren't quite 37, put on a bra." " Would you where that to visit your grandmother? Then don't where it to school!"
49. You can fess up to that " incident" from college; judgement -free.
52. This year, you get to start wearing your jammies to work on Friday's. For me, this is retirement year, they won't fire me over it, right?
56. It is a good time to do what you've been putting off. Go ahead, take up break dancing, sport your leg warmers, shake your thang.
59. Force your family to start calling yor by a title. Pick something royal. " Hello, Queen Ali"
60 1/2. Stop dying your hair. See what it really looks like. It is likey no one will notice. ( Right, Mom?:-)
66. Get a pogo stick. You are still young. Use it as a mode of transportation.
71. Tell your daughter in law what you really think of how she decorated her home. Go on...
77. Ride your Rascal around the neighborhood while " walking" your dog and drinking something out of a brown bag. ( OK, Canal Run, I didn't make that one up!)
83. Start speaking really loudly, even if your hearing is in tact. When people respomd by yelling, ask what they are yelling about.
86. Take out your teeth and put them on the dinner table while sipping your coffee.
91. Do whatever you want. You probably won't remembr doing it!
While sitting poolside with my dear friend, Babs, on Hayden's big day, we decided that there weren't enough age milestones. Wouldn't it be fabulous if as we got older, we reached milestones that let us do something new and exciting?
Just think, you turn 31 and get to tell off your annoying neighbors. Why do they think they can " borrow" beer from you anyway?
34. You can get a piercing in a secret place. You pick.
37. You can stop wearing a bra. They are flapjacks anyway, let them flap in the breeze.
39. You can take up drinking, on a nightly basis. A pickled liver is well preserved.
42. No more shaving. Sure, the spouse may find it prickly or bothersome, but it is a rite of passage.
44. You get to start dressing in all one color. " There goes the Purple lady". You'll be known.
47.It becomes appropriate to tell strangers they are dressed inappropriately." Great dress. You could use it two sizes bigger." "Hello, cleavage. You aren't quite 37, put on a bra." " Would you where that to visit your grandmother? Then don't where it to school!"
49. You can fess up to that " incident" from college; judgement -free.
52. This year, you get to start wearing your jammies to work on Friday's. For me, this is retirement year, they won't fire me over it, right?
56. It is a good time to do what you've been putting off. Go ahead, take up break dancing, sport your leg warmers, shake your thang.
59. Force your family to start calling yor by a title. Pick something royal. " Hello, Queen Ali"
60 1/2. Stop dying your hair. See what it really looks like. It is likey no one will notice. ( Right, Mom?:-)
66. Get a pogo stick. You are still young. Use it as a mode of transportation.
71. Tell your daughter in law what you really think of how she decorated her home. Go on...
77. Ride your Rascal around the neighborhood while " walking" your dog and drinking something out of a brown bag. ( OK, Canal Run, I didn't make that one up!)
83. Start speaking really loudly, even if your hearing is in tact. When people respomd by yelling, ask what they are yelling about.
86. Take out your teeth and put them on the dinner table while sipping your coffee.
91. Do whatever you want. You probably won't remembr doing it!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Summer is here
Here is a bit of a general update.
Summer is here and school is out.
We have so many fun things planned, Father's Day and June B-day celebrations with both sides of the family, Hayden's 5th Birthday, the 4th annual Haydens Heart Heroes Golf Tournament ( haydensheartheroes.com), Hayden's B-day weekend trip and Hayden throwing out the first pitch at the Frederick Key's game on 6/30( co0,me on out to see it- tix at the gate- just ket me know if you are coming)! That is all in the next two weeks!
We will be busy getting ready for the tournament during the next week and are excited to have so many golfers coming out.
We are all really enjoying each other, fun outings and time with our friends and some family.
Rob is back to training. I am back to writing, cookimg and relaxing. Hayden is, well, back to being Hayden:-)
We ask that you send a prayer or two to our new friends in the UK, Sarah, Simon and Cerys Durkin. Cerys is three weeks olds and is also a Hypoplast. She is still in the hospital and causing her Mom and Dad a good deal of stress. We think about them often and hope that they get to take Cerys home soon.
Summer is here and school is out.
We have so many fun things planned, Father's Day and June B-day celebrations with both sides of the family, Hayden's 5th Birthday, the 4th annual Haydens Heart Heroes Golf Tournament ( haydensheartheroes.com), Hayden's B-day weekend trip and Hayden throwing out the first pitch at the Frederick Key's game on 6/30( co0,me on out to see it- tix at the gate- just ket me know if you are coming)! That is all in the next two weeks!
We will be busy getting ready for the tournament during the next week and are excited to have so many golfers coming out.
We are all really enjoying each other, fun outings and time with our friends and some family.
Rob is back to training. I am back to writing, cookimg and relaxing. Hayden is, well, back to being Hayden:-)
We ask that you send a prayer or two to our new friends in the UK, Sarah, Simon and Cerys Durkin. Cerys is three weeks olds and is also a Hypoplast. She is still in the hospital and causing her Mom and Dad a good deal of stress. We think about them often and hope that they get to take Cerys home soon.
Sentenced to Stupidity
Now, I know that not everyone can be as quick and witty as I am. I mean I do teach some pretty low-level kids, strugglimg readers, disengaged learners. I get them. I don't get stupid adults. You think I'd see the correlation between the teenager who lacks skills and the adult morons roaming freely about the world, but I don't. I have no patience for those who have been sentenced to a life of stupidity. It just aggrevates me.
My biggest aggrevation caused by these people has been a long time coming. Those of you who live in the POR know that we have heard about the traffic circle for years. It has finally come to fruition and is almost as bad as I thought it would be. Surprisingly,some people know what to do in the traffic circle. Yield in, drive, circle out. My first few times through I was shocked. They did OK. But then it happened, I was circling around to get out and some yahoo failed to yield into the circle and almost sent me flying across the highway. Fabulous. Since then, it has happened endless times. Is the circle that difficult? I say no. The drivers are that stupid.
The stupidity follows me. I know it does. Questions like, " Aren't you guys glad to be home from the hospital?" " Are you happy school is over?" " Don't you get bored in the summer?" all remind me of that the the stupid are everywhere. They don't keep to themselves. Often they are loud, think they know things, but arestupid. Shouting and hooting misinformation all about. Hush I say. Keep it to yourself.
Sometimes, I feel like the stupid are asking trick questions. "Should I take the 20% off your entire purchase or just one item?" Umm, if I say the entire purchase will I get arrested? I am inclined to say entire purchase. Am, I missing something? No? What? You are just sentenced to stupidity? I see.
Some days, I firmly believe they were put on this earth to test me. See how far they can go before I lose it. But, I won't give in. The stupid can't take me down.
To quote one of my favorite poets, "If the world get's in my way, I say " Have a nice Day". Ok, that is a BonJovi quote, but you get my point.
My biggest aggrevation caused by these people has been a long time coming. Those of you who live in the POR know that we have heard about the traffic circle for years. It has finally come to fruition and is almost as bad as I thought it would be. Surprisingly,some people know what to do in the traffic circle. Yield in, drive, circle out. My first few times through I was shocked. They did OK. But then it happened, I was circling around to get out and some yahoo failed to yield into the circle and almost sent me flying across the highway. Fabulous. Since then, it has happened endless times. Is the circle that difficult? I say no. The drivers are that stupid.
The stupidity follows me. I know it does. Questions like, " Aren't you guys glad to be home from the hospital?" " Are you happy school is over?" " Don't you get bored in the summer?" all remind me of that the the stupid are everywhere. They don't keep to themselves. Often they are loud, think they know things, but arestupid. Shouting and hooting misinformation all about. Hush I say. Keep it to yourself.
Sometimes, I feel like the stupid are asking trick questions. "Should I take the 20% off your entire purchase or just one item?" Umm, if I say the entire purchase will I get arrested? I am inclined to say entire purchase. Am, I missing something? No? What? You are just sentenced to stupidity? I see.
Some days, I firmly believe they were put on this earth to test me. See how far they can go before I lose it. But, I won't give in. The stupid can't take me down.
To quote one of my favorite poets, "If the world get's in my way, I say " Have a nice Day". Ok, that is a BonJovi quote, but you get my point.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
An Update
Just a quick update. Rob did an AMAZING job in his triathlon! WE are really proud of him. Yes, he did manage to beat most of the elderly. There were a few that were in phenomenal shape and obviously do not have a propensity for beer and tequila; they managed to beat him. He only had a few weeks to train hard-core due to H's hospitalization and really pulled it off. I think he is now addicted and searching for more to do. He was contemplating one that is ten days away , but double the length of the last one. Fortunately, registration was closed. He is also looking at some duals ( just bike/run), although I insist on calling them bi's. I like it. It has a ring to it. " Rob is training to be a bi champion". So many comments, must stop self... can't stop.
Hayden is a ROCK STAR. He is amazing. His strength and stamina are incredible. I, however, could use a long nap. He has been getting blood work every two weeks to check his INR (coumadin level) and goes in like a champ. He gets teary for a minute when they draw his blood, but is more upset over the gauze and tape they put on his arm. He attended his school picnic yesterday and enjoyed seeing his teachers and friends, riding a pony and hanging out. He has taken to having a dance party every night after dinner. ( We listen to music at dinner. Typical dinner musuc; 80's pop, gangsta rap, old schol hip hop, classic rock, hair metal, rock, etc) His fondness for Salt N Pepa and TLC must be hereditary. And he can shake his thang, yay, yay. He truly enjoyed seeeing Isabella at the beach this weekend. He missed his \" girlfriend". Although, we do need to talk about appropriateness. She was lying down with her butt up and he walked by, slapped her butt and said " Look at that tushy up in the air". Oh, my. Too much EU and Salt N Pepa??? Sexual harassment at almost 5 years old. Maybe his father should talk to him. Maybe not.
Will blog again later. I have a wonderful tale of stupid people and stupid ideas.
Hayden is a ROCK STAR. He is amazing. His strength and stamina are incredible. I, however, could use a long nap. He has been getting blood work every two weeks to check his INR (coumadin level) and goes in like a champ. He gets teary for a minute when they draw his blood, but is more upset over the gauze and tape they put on his arm. He attended his school picnic yesterday and enjoyed seeing his teachers and friends, riding a pony and hanging out. He has taken to having a dance party every night after dinner. ( We listen to music at dinner. Typical dinner musuc; 80's pop, gangsta rap, old schol hip hop, classic rock, hair metal, rock, etc) His fondness for Salt N Pepa and TLC must be hereditary. And he can shake his thang, yay, yay. He truly enjoyed seeeing Isabella at the beach this weekend. He missed his \" girlfriend". Although, we do need to talk about appropriateness. She was lying down with her butt up and he walked by, slapped her butt and said " Look at that tushy up in the air". Oh, my. Too much EU and Salt N Pepa??? Sexual harassment at almost 5 years old. Maybe his father should talk to him. Maybe not.
Will blog again later. I have a wonderful tale of stupid people and stupid ideas.
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