My identity was stolen. It is not a good thing. I was going to post some advice to all of you, but Rob thinks I should keep my nose out of everyone's business. I don't usually listen to him, but will...for now.
With my identity stolen, I can't help but wonder who I am. Do I get to pick? If I do, then I have a few requests.
Uniqua from the Backyardigan's. She is awesome. And pink. She always gets a snack when she wants one. She is a world traveler. Girlfriend can dance. Plus, the Boinga Song rocks. My lisence could say Uniqua Rae Lazorchak.
Dr. Drew. I could be him. He gets to analze people and tell them what he really thinks of them. ( I sort of do that now). He gets to hang out with has-been rock stars. You can't top that. I have plenty of advice to give out. Wanna know about protecting yourself from idetity theft? Never mind.
Wonder Woman. I have always liked her. That huge gold belt is quite the fashion accessory. And the thigh high gold boots, they are sexy. I had a Wonder Woman sleeping bag and often dreamt of taking on the bad dudes. I could totally do that.
One of those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. They are just plain scary. I could wear a cute little pillbox hat and swoop down and startle people. I would save money; flying as to be cheaper than filling up my SUV. I wouldd get you my pretty ( and your litle dog, too!)
Paula Dean. Now, I don't want her cholesterol or blood pressure, but I'd love to cook like that woman ( sans the butter) and talk with that fine southern draw. Sister gets right in there with her hands and mixes things up. She says what she wants. She drinks cocktails and laughs heartily.
Genie. As in I Dream Of. She supposedly had a master, but didn't obey him at all. Bucked the system. Infact, she did as she pleased, when she pleased. And she had magic powers. They seemed pretty much unlimited. Oh yeah, I could do that.
Or, I could just keep being me, along with the weird guy in Jersey who is also me. Wonder if he wants to take over my houshold duties. That'd be sweet. I mean, dude, if you are gonna be me, you gotta take on some of my responsibilities. Own up to something. I'll still snuggle with Hayden, pop zits on Rob's back ( he doesn't get them often, but I do so love them), water my flowers and veggies and cook. You get the rest. OK? So, put down the game system, quit playing online with pre-teen boys and start being me. Bet ya can't do it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Age Milestones for All
Hayden turned 5 on Monday; a huge day for him (and us). There are big milestones that come along with turning five. You can chew gum.( My rule) You intend to learn to swim and force yourself to eat icecream ( Hayden's rules for himself). These are big things.
While sitting poolside with my dear friend, Babs, on Hayden's big day, we decided that there weren't enough age milestones. Wouldn't it be fabulous if as we got older, we reached milestones that let us do something new and exciting?
Just think, you turn 31 and get to tell off your annoying neighbors. Why do they think they can " borrow" beer from you anyway?
34. You can get a piercing in a secret place. You pick.
37. You can stop wearing a bra. They are flapjacks anyway, let them flap in the breeze.
39. You can take up drinking, on a nightly basis. A pickled liver is well preserved.
42. No more shaving. Sure, the spouse may find it prickly or bothersome, but it is a rite of passage.
44. You get to start dressing in all one color. " There goes the Purple lady". You'll be known.
47.It becomes appropriate to tell strangers they are dressed inappropriately." Great dress. You could use it two sizes bigger." "Hello, cleavage. You aren't quite 37, put on a bra." " Would you where that to visit your grandmother? Then don't where it to school!"
49. You can fess up to that " incident" from college; judgement -free.
52. This year, you get to start wearing your jammies to work on Friday's. For me, this is retirement year, they won't fire me over it, right?
56. It is a good time to do what you've been putting off. Go ahead, take up break dancing, sport your leg warmers, shake your thang.
59. Force your family to start calling yor by a title. Pick something royal. " Hello, Queen Ali"
60 1/2. Stop dying your hair. See what it really looks like. It is likey no one will notice. ( Right, Mom?:-)
66. Get a pogo stick. You are still young. Use it as a mode of transportation.
71. Tell your daughter in law what you really think of how she decorated her home. Go on...
77. Ride your Rascal around the neighborhood while " walking" your dog and drinking something out of a brown bag. ( OK, Canal Run, I didn't make that one up!)
83. Start speaking really loudly, even if your hearing is in tact. When people respomd by yelling, ask what they are yelling about.
86. Take out your teeth and put them on the dinner table while sipping your coffee.
91. Do whatever you want. You probably won't remembr doing it!
While sitting poolside with my dear friend, Babs, on Hayden's big day, we decided that there weren't enough age milestones. Wouldn't it be fabulous if as we got older, we reached milestones that let us do something new and exciting?
Just think, you turn 31 and get to tell off your annoying neighbors. Why do they think they can " borrow" beer from you anyway?
34. You can get a piercing in a secret place. You pick.
37. You can stop wearing a bra. They are flapjacks anyway, let them flap in the breeze.
39. You can take up drinking, on a nightly basis. A pickled liver is well preserved.
42. No more shaving. Sure, the spouse may find it prickly or bothersome, but it is a rite of passage.
44. You get to start dressing in all one color. " There goes the Purple lady". You'll be known.
47.It becomes appropriate to tell strangers they are dressed inappropriately." Great dress. You could use it two sizes bigger." "Hello, cleavage. You aren't quite 37, put on a bra." " Would you where that to visit your grandmother? Then don't where it to school!"
49. You can fess up to that " incident" from college; judgement -free.
52. This year, you get to start wearing your jammies to work on Friday's. For me, this is retirement year, they won't fire me over it, right?
56. It is a good time to do what you've been putting off. Go ahead, take up break dancing, sport your leg warmers, shake your thang.
59. Force your family to start calling yor by a title. Pick something royal. " Hello, Queen Ali"
60 1/2. Stop dying your hair. See what it really looks like. It is likey no one will notice. ( Right, Mom?:-)
66. Get a pogo stick. You are still young. Use it as a mode of transportation.
71. Tell your daughter in law what you really think of how she decorated her home. Go on...
77. Ride your Rascal around the neighborhood while " walking" your dog and drinking something out of a brown bag. ( OK, Canal Run, I didn't make that one up!)
83. Start speaking really loudly, even if your hearing is in tact. When people respomd by yelling, ask what they are yelling about.
86. Take out your teeth and put them on the dinner table while sipping your coffee.
91. Do whatever you want. You probably won't remembr doing it!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Summer is here
Here is a bit of a general update.
Summer is here and school is out.
We have so many fun things planned, Father's Day and June B-day celebrations with both sides of the family, Hayden's 5th Birthday, the 4th annual Haydens Heart Heroes Golf Tournament ( haydensheartheroes.com), Hayden's B-day weekend trip and Hayden throwing out the first pitch at the Frederick Key's game on 6/30( co0,me on out to see it- tix at the gate- just ket me know if you are coming)! That is all in the next two weeks!
We will be busy getting ready for the tournament during the next week and are excited to have so many golfers coming out.
We are all really enjoying each other, fun outings and time with our friends and some family.
Rob is back to training. I am back to writing, cookimg and relaxing. Hayden is, well, back to being Hayden:-)
We ask that you send a prayer or two to our new friends in the UK, Sarah, Simon and Cerys Durkin. Cerys is three weeks olds and is also a Hypoplast. She is still in the hospital and causing her Mom and Dad a good deal of stress. We think about them often and hope that they get to take Cerys home soon.
Summer is here and school is out.
We have so many fun things planned, Father's Day and June B-day celebrations with both sides of the family, Hayden's 5th Birthday, the 4th annual Haydens Heart Heroes Golf Tournament ( haydensheartheroes.com), Hayden's B-day weekend trip and Hayden throwing out the first pitch at the Frederick Key's game on 6/30( co0,me on out to see it- tix at the gate- just ket me know if you are coming)! That is all in the next two weeks!
We will be busy getting ready for the tournament during the next week and are excited to have so many golfers coming out.
We are all really enjoying each other, fun outings and time with our friends and some family.
Rob is back to training. I am back to writing, cookimg and relaxing. Hayden is, well, back to being Hayden:-)
We ask that you send a prayer or two to our new friends in the UK, Sarah, Simon and Cerys Durkin. Cerys is three weeks olds and is also a Hypoplast. She is still in the hospital and causing her Mom and Dad a good deal of stress. We think about them often and hope that they get to take Cerys home soon.
Sentenced to Stupidity
Now, I know that not everyone can be as quick and witty as I am. I mean I do teach some pretty low-level kids, strugglimg readers, disengaged learners. I get them. I don't get stupid adults. You think I'd see the correlation between the teenager who lacks skills and the adult morons roaming freely about the world, but I don't. I have no patience for those who have been sentenced to a life of stupidity. It just aggrevates me.
My biggest aggrevation caused by these people has been a long time coming. Those of you who live in the POR know that we have heard about the traffic circle for years. It has finally come to fruition and is almost as bad as I thought it would be. Surprisingly,some people know what to do in the traffic circle. Yield in, drive, circle out. My first few times through I was shocked. They did OK. But then it happened, I was circling around to get out and some yahoo failed to yield into the circle and almost sent me flying across the highway. Fabulous. Since then, it has happened endless times. Is the circle that difficult? I say no. The drivers are that stupid.
The stupidity follows me. I know it does. Questions like, " Aren't you guys glad to be home from the hospital?" " Are you happy school is over?" " Don't you get bored in the summer?" all remind me of that the the stupid are everywhere. They don't keep to themselves. Often they are loud, think they know things, but arestupid. Shouting and hooting misinformation all about. Hush I say. Keep it to yourself.
Sometimes, I feel like the stupid are asking trick questions. "Should I take the 20% off your entire purchase or just one item?" Umm, if I say the entire purchase will I get arrested? I am inclined to say entire purchase. Am, I missing something? No? What? You are just sentenced to stupidity? I see.
Some days, I firmly believe they were put on this earth to test me. See how far they can go before I lose it. But, I won't give in. The stupid can't take me down.
To quote one of my favorite poets, "If the world get's in my way, I say " Have a nice Day". Ok, that is a BonJovi quote, but you get my point.
My biggest aggrevation caused by these people has been a long time coming. Those of you who live in the POR know that we have heard about the traffic circle for years. It has finally come to fruition and is almost as bad as I thought it would be. Surprisingly,some people know what to do in the traffic circle. Yield in, drive, circle out. My first few times through I was shocked. They did OK. But then it happened, I was circling around to get out and some yahoo failed to yield into the circle and almost sent me flying across the highway. Fabulous. Since then, it has happened endless times. Is the circle that difficult? I say no. The drivers are that stupid.
The stupidity follows me. I know it does. Questions like, " Aren't you guys glad to be home from the hospital?" " Are you happy school is over?" " Don't you get bored in the summer?" all remind me of that the the stupid are everywhere. They don't keep to themselves. Often they are loud, think they know things, but arestupid. Shouting and hooting misinformation all about. Hush I say. Keep it to yourself.
Sometimes, I feel like the stupid are asking trick questions. "Should I take the 20% off your entire purchase or just one item?" Umm, if I say the entire purchase will I get arrested? I am inclined to say entire purchase. Am, I missing something? No? What? You are just sentenced to stupidity? I see.
Some days, I firmly believe they were put on this earth to test me. See how far they can go before I lose it. But, I won't give in. The stupid can't take me down.
To quote one of my favorite poets, "If the world get's in my way, I say " Have a nice Day". Ok, that is a BonJovi quote, but you get my point.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
An Update
Just a quick update. Rob did an AMAZING job in his triathlon! WE are really proud of him. Yes, he did manage to beat most of the elderly. There were a few that were in phenomenal shape and obviously do not have a propensity for beer and tequila; they managed to beat him. He only had a few weeks to train hard-core due to H's hospitalization and really pulled it off. I think he is now addicted and searching for more to do. He was contemplating one that is ten days away , but double the length of the last one. Fortunately, registration was closed. He is also looking at some duals ( just bike/run), although I insist on calling them bi's. I like it. It has a ring to it. " Rob is training to be a bi champion". So many comments, must stop self... can't stop.
Hayden is a ROCK STAR. He is amazing. His strength and stamina are incredible. I, however, could use a long nap. He has been getting blood work every two weeks to check his INR (coumadin level) and goes in like a champ. He gets teary for a minute when they draw his blood, but is more upset over the gauze and tape they put on his arm. He attended his school picnic yesterday and enjoyed seeing his teachers and friends, riding a pony and hanging out. He has taken to having a dance party every night after dinner. ( We listen to music at dinner. Typical dinner musuc; 80's pop, gangsta rap, old schol hip hop, classic rock, hair metal, rock, etc) His fondness for Salt N Pepa and TLC must be hereditary. And he can shake his thang, yay, yay. He truly enjoyed seeeing Isabella at the beach this weekend. He missed his \" girlfriend". Although, we do need to talk about appropriateness. She was lying down with her butt up and he walked by, slapped her butt and said " Look at that tushy up in the air". Oh, my. Too much EU and Salt N Pepa??? Sexual harassment at almost 5 years old. Maybe his father should talk to him. Maybe not.
Will blog again later. I have a wonderful tale of stupid people and stupid ideas.
Hayden is a ROCK STAR. He is amazing. His strength and stamina are incredible. I, however, could use a long nap. He has been getting blood work every two weeks to check his INR (coumadin level) and goes in like a champ. He gets teary for a minute when they draw his blood, but is more upset over the gauze and tape they put on his arm. He attended his school picnic yesterday and enjoyed seeing his teachers and friends, riding a pony and hanging out. He has taken to having a dance party every night after dinner. ( We listen to music at dinner. Typical dinner musuc; 80's pop, gangsta rap, old schol hip hop, classic rock, hair metal, rock, etc) His fondness for Salt N Pepa and TLC must be hereditary. And he can shake his thang, yay, yay. He truly enjoyed seeeing Isabella at the beach this weekend. He missed his \" girlfriend". Although, we do need to talk about appropriateness. She was lying down with her butt up and he walked by, slapped her butt and said " Look at that tushy up in the air". Oh, my. Too much EU and Salt N Pepa??? Sexual harassment at almost 5 years old. Maybe his father should talk to him. Maybe not.
Will blog again later. I have a wonderful tale of stupid people and stupid ideas.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Wonderfully Fit Elderly
Rob has been training for his first triathalon ( So has Chris, apparently because I called him out ,on this very blog, for buying a pricey bike and not using it. So what if he already has a wife to nag him. She is my friend, I am supporting her!). It is coming up this weekend. He is pumped and excited. Really, his goal is just to finish. Not interesting in winning. Doesn't want to beat anyone. A goal for himself. I find this quite admirable. Or I did until a few minutes ago.
I was just told that there are 250 racers; not a huge race. Next, I was told that there are two 70 year old racers and several in their late 60's. Now, Rob is out to win. Or at least beat the elderly. I reminded him that there are some very fit and active athletes in their 70's ( none are related to us) and that beating them might be unrealistic. Nope. He claims that a loss to an AARP member( particularlly female Don't get me started on this...) would bring great shame upon our family.
His next proclaimation is the most startling. " If I lose to an old person, I am never working out again."
Awesome. I can see it now. Rob on the couch wearing one of those beer can hats, too lazy to replace the cans himself. Yelling to Hayden to fetch " Big Daddy" another beer. Just sitting around in his " comfies" or undies, scratching himself and talking about the old days when he used to run, bike, swim, bathe, move, leave the cuch.
With that terrifying image in mind, I am making a plea to the wonderfully fit elderly. Please,don't show off your years of dedication and training. Hold back, just a bit. Let a young whipper snapper pass you. Feign being winded and tuckered out. Basically, make my husband feel like a tough guy for taking out a few members of the geriatric set. You wouldn't want him to take to the couch or worse yet,competitive eating.
I am sure Rob ( and Chris and maybe Bush) will do an amazing job this weekend and I am so proud of him for taking on this new challenge. He is a great role model for Hayd, who is really pumped to watch his Dad race. Rob, just get out there and do your best and don't compare yourself to anyone else, especially the elderly.They atre a feisty bunch.
I was just told that there are 250 racers; not a huge race. Next, I was told that there are two 70 year old racers and several in their late 60's. Now, Rob is out to win. Or at least beat the elderly. I reminded him that there are some very fit and active athletes in their 70's ( none are related to us) and that beating them might be unrealistic. Nope. He claims that a loss to an AARP member( particularlly female Don't get me started on this...) would bring great shame upon our family.
His next proclaimation is the most startling. " If I lose to an old person, I am never working out again."
Awesome. I can see it now. Rob on the couch wearing one of those beer can hats, too lazy to replace the cans himself. Yelling to Hayden to fetch " Big Daddy" another beer. Just sitting around in his " comfies" or undies, scratching himself and talking about the old days when he used to run, bike, swim, bathe, move, leave the cuch.
With that terrifying image in mind, I am making a plea to the wonderfully fit elderly. Please,don't show off your years of dedication and training. Hold back, just a bit. Let a young whipper snapper pass you. Feign being winded and tuckered out. Basically, make my husband feel like a tough guy for taking out a few members of the geriatric set. You wouldn't want him to take to the couch or worse yet,competitive eating.
I am sure Rob ( and Chris and maybe Bush) will do an amazing job this weekend and I am so proud of him for taking on this new challenge. He is a great role model for Hayd, who is really pumped to watch his Dad race. Rob, just get out there and do your best and don't compare yourself to anyone else, especially the elderly.They atre a feisty bunch.
Monday, May 25, 2009
A Prisoner Set Free
I am not sure if that best describes Hayden or me. Both of us have been a bit batty from the self imposed house arrest. It began ten days prior to his surgery. Way back in March. We decided to avoid all germs; therefore public places and Hayden's school ( sorry Beth Sholom, we love you, but you are germy;-)were out of the question. We began to "enjoy" the life of those who have committed white collar crimes and are allowed to glimpse at the real world through their windows or front porches, but not actually participate. Having not actually committed any crime (not one we are confessing to at this time), we are free to well, be free at any time of our choosing.
This past week, we chose. I am not sure if it was Hayden stating that being home so much made him sad or me threatening to invite Robert W., the inept fridge technician, over to hang out ands drink the afternoons away (since he now has so much free time) that actually pushed us out the door. It may have been Rob's hands. Whatever it was, we reappeared in society. And liked it.
Our outings have been simple. Grocery store. Cardiology check up. Blood work. Dinner. Baseball game. 9 holes of golf. The pool. What hasn't been simple is the reaction we get from everyone. Most people comment on how great and normal Hayden looks. ( Yay!) I kind of expected that. What I didn't expect was people telling me I look good. ( Now, don't get excited. I really look the same...you decide if that is good or bad.) For some reason, people actually expect me to look like an ex-prisoner. Thus, my clean, well- manicured appearance shocks them into thinking I look fabulous. While, I do pride myself on things like bathing, wearing clean clothes, brushing my teeth and styling my hair, I have not put forth much (or any) effort regarding my asthetics since reappearing in the real world. I do wonder what I am supposed to look like. Haggard? Fried,dried gray hair? Sagging skin? Pruned up wrinkles? Excessive weight loss? Gain? Yellow teeth and nails? Dazed?
In any case, this house arrest has apparently been great for my appearance. That or people haven't seen me for so long that they just forgot what I look like.
I return to work tomorrow and fully expect to have gushing compliments on how gorgeous I look ;-) I'll need that considering Hayden can't wait to see me go so he can get back to his " regular days". Does that make me irregular? That's a topic for another post.
This past week, we chose. I am not sure if it was Hayden stating that being home so much made him sad or me threatening to invite Robert W., the inept fridge technician, over to hang out ands drink the afternoons away (since he now has so much free time) that actually pushed us out the door. It may have been Rob's hands. Whatever it was, we reappeared in society. And liked it.
Our outings have been simple. Grocery store. Cardiology check up. Blood work. Dinner. Baseball game. 9 holes of golf. The pool. What hasn't been simple is the reaction we get from everyone. Most people comment on how great and normal Hayden looks. ( Yay!) I kind of expected that. What I didn't expect was people telling me I look good. ( Now, don't get excited. I really look the same...you decide if that is good or bad.) For some reason, people actually expect me to look like an ex-prisoner. Thus, my clean, well- manicured appearance shocks them into thinking I look fabulous. While, I do pride myself on things like bathing, wearing clean clothes, brushing my teeth and styling my hair, I have not put forth much (or any) effort regarding my asthetics since reappearing in the real world. I do wonder what I am supposed to look like. Haggard? Fried,dried gray hair? Sagging skin? Pruned up wrinkles? Excessive weight loss? Gain? Yellow teeth and nails? Dazed?
In any case, this house arrest has apparently been great for my appearance. That or people haven't seen me for so long that they just forgot what I look like.
I return to work tomorrow and fully expect to have gushing compliments on how gorgeous I look ;-) I'll need that considering Hayden can't wait to see me go so he can get back to his " regular days". Does that make me irregular? That's a topic for another post.
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